Does your real estate agent drive better cars than you?

We're in the process of relocating to Accra -- it's my partner's adventurous spirit that initiated the move, mine that agreed to it. Anyhow, we're currently here on a preliminary trip to figure it all out before we return at the beginning of the year with our 15-month-old, Chloe.

My primary goal during this visit: find a place to live.

All the grand stories you've heard about ex-pats living in developing countries in beautiful colonial homes, shaded by palm trees that sway in the breeze, with a live-in staff of 6, not to mention the car and driver, all for the cost of what you might pay your States-side bi-weekly housekeeper? Lies, all of it! Well, perhaps it was true at one time. Or maybe, it is still true in certain places. But here, in Accra, this idyllic life -- just another urban myth.

Here, colonial houses, the ones which still exist, are poor, innocent sitting ducks. Most are empty. Some still have tenants. Either way, their fate is most definitely accompli--planned community hell. It's as if Toll Brothers were to buy up all the old Southern plantation homes and in their places put, well, gated Toll Brothers apartment/townhouse complexes complete with pool and tennis courts. Ok, you Toll Brothers supporters...if that doesn't sound so bad, imagine the complex was built by some really cheap Chinese knock-off. And, if that weren't bad enough, once inside the unit, you mistakenly believe you have entered a really large bathroom...why? because from top to bottom, left to right, you are surrounded by freshly groomed, ice-skating-rink-shiny polished porcelain tile. Then you spot the staircase and think you've found a way out of this porcelain purgatory only to realize that even the stairs did not escape the designer's heavy-handed use of this most unfortunate material, and that if you choose to ascend to the second level, you will only encounter more of the same. But please, please, please do not envision tasteful creation from Ann Saks...no, dear reader, take your imagination to a discount tile close-out center...and then you'll be right with me.

The cost of such a 3 bedroom/2.5 bathroom monstrosity? On average $3000/month, in cash, a full year upfront. Of course, this doesn't include the $250 monthly maintenance fee paid directly to the management company, nor the 10% you pay to the broker, who by the way, is also collecting from the owner!

So, in Accra, when your real estate agent comes to pick you up in a brand new Mercedes SUV driven by a man in uniform, while speaking into her new Motorola Razr to her teen-ager in a London boarding school planning their mid-semester holiday in Geneva and you run out of gas on the highway, and her husband comes to save the day in a back-up Mercedes sedan, all the while, the average yearly Ghanaian income is $240...you'll know why.